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2005-07-04 - 9:41 p.m.
Quote of the day:
"I have squelch."

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2005-06-30 - 8:58 p.m.
You've probably heard of or read Overheard in New York.
Well, here's overheard in my neighborhood:

"Well, when you're gone, I'm gonna fuck her."
"Yeah OK."
"I'm just telling you, man."
"Well, she needs to be fucked....that slut."

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2005-06-29 - 11:47 p.m.
Don't you just love it when you're listening to music in your car...your favorite song comes on, and you hit a bump in the road that perfectly coincides with the beat of the music?

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2005-06-28 - 8:00 p.m.
Titty Bar Week, part deux (see part one below this post)

So after lamenting that there are no titty bars in San Francisco quite as good as Annie's Upper Town Tavern in Oregon (shocking, I know!).....we have settled on Broadway Showgirls Cabaret as our new favourite place when we're doing the Bay Area.

So here's the story: Saturday at 7:00pm: we're basically the only ones in this place. We order drinks. After finding out that lap dances are only $20, I decide it's time......and I get to pick a dancer.

Having never done this before, I just pick the girl who is on stage at the time. The waitress says she'll put in the word as soon as the girl comes off stage.

And so we wait.

Finally, a nubile young blond girl in a fishnet bikini comes over to our table and asks if the dance is for "the lady" or for the man. We tell her "for the lady" and she asks us to move over to the bench-like booth because it's easier to do a lap dance there.

She sat between us, having small talk, until the next song started. I told her I'd never done this before and wasn't sure what to do. I asked if I was allowed to touch her and she said, in a very cheery way, "Oh, you can touch all over....just don't touch the know?" So she writhed around, put her breasts in my face, nestled into my lap.....all the while letting me fondle her legs and arms. It was quite amazing....especially since it was my first to speak.

Well, of course, once is never enough for me! So after watching the stage dancers a bit more, I asked for a dance from a Russian girl named "Greta." She was one of the better dancers. When she came to our table, she immediately asked me, "Are you a lesbian?" I told her no....but I was exploring. Then she said, "Spread your legs!!"

As I did so, she nestled in between my legs and started her lap dance. Sometimes she was facing me, sometimes her back was to me. I was fondling her legs as she slowly moved her body around......just as I had done with the first girl. But for some reason, this time two security guards came over saying, "Do not touch the're not allowed to touch." (or something to that effect) So I put my hands at my side and let her finish the dance.

Part of the time I had my eyes closed, part of the time I was watching..... it was an amazingly erotic experience. During both dances I was trying to remain neutral to see what it was all about, but at the same time I succumbed to the sensuality of it all.

I have to admit that I used to be critical of men who went to strip clubs and titty bars......but now I want to be invited to come along!

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2005-06-27 - 2:04 p.m.

Titty Bar Week, part 1:

After having discovered the joys of the strip club in "small town" Astoria, Oregon a few weeks ago (where the girls get completely nude, climb up on your table and spread their legs wide in front of you, then bend over, nestle their head between your breasts, and stroke you with their long hair).......I figured it might be fun to see what "big city" San Francisco had to offer.

So the first night, we just headed into the city and aimed for the two clubs that we were aware of because they are quite well known: Larry Flynt's Hustler Club and The Lusty Lady. I was expecting that San Fran would offer something more extravagantly exciting than little old Astoria.....but no! (At least, not the first night....stay tuned, it does get better)

Anyway, we started out at the Hustler Club.....and were somewhat caught off guard that they had a cover charge (we're new at this, you see). That was all good and fine, we paid our fee and went in.....but it kind of set the tone for the place.....that it was going to be spendy! (Luckily, it was $2 Tuesday, so we got cheap drinks!)

We picked a cozy looking table (mainly because it was one of the few that was bathed in a glowing red light...everything else was very dark). It wasn't very close to the stage.....but we feared that the closer you were to the stage, the more spendy it would get. We ordered drinks and watched as the girls would come out one at a time and do their dances....all the while, a DJ kept interupting the music and announcing things at an ear-splitting level that we couldn't understand because the PA system was sooooo bad!

Much to our chagrin, it was soon apparent that the girls never get nude, only topless. They come out in a bikini~like costume, take off the top....then pretend to take off the bottom. Except that they're actually wearing 2 sets of panties. So they take one off, and you think they're going to get nude....but they still have panties on underneath!

After we'd had a few drinks, we find out that lap dances are two for one! Having had enough alcohol to get in the mood, I try to convince Alan that we should do it. We still had some money on our table to pay for the drinks we had ordered, and upon noticing this a stripper came to our table. I asked how much a lap dance costs and she said $60! Ouch! So I told her we'd think about it.....and then realized we shouldn't have money out on the table because that's a sign that you want a dance.

Enough of that, we decided to wander down to the Lusty Lady. This was an extremely different environment. You walk down some stairs into a dimly lit warren of hallways with doors spaced every 5 feet or so. You pick a door and go into a tiny little room that's just barely big enough for 2 people to squeeze into. Then you put quarters into a machine, a curtain goes up and you can look through a window to see a nude dancer.....the more quarters, the longer the curtain stays open. These girls were completely nude, and they look at you while they dance....but they never get very close to the window. Also, I think there's some sort of timer that they can see, because they would start doing more erotic things just as the curtain was closing....enticing you to put in more quarters.

We didn't stay long at that place, and left the city feeling rather deflated (yes, pun intended). But I wasn't ready to give up entirely.

Saturday, I decided to do some research and ran across this site that lists and reviews strip clubs for whatever city you're in. This was when we discovered that alcohol=topless, no alcohol=nude. (Hey, in Oregon you can have alcohol and nude!!) Of course, since I can't go without my alcohol, you know.....we decided on a topless place that sounded user friendly.....mainly because it had the lowest cover charge ($10 instead of the $25 and up that some places were charging!)

This place proved to be a place I would go back to. We got there early, so they actually let us in free!! There was only one other guy in the place.....he was sitting at the stage and tipping the dancers (to which they would take their tops off and give more of a show)......we found a dark booth about halfway back from the stage. It turned out to be a good viewing area.....especially while the guy up front was tipping!

Of course, still bent on getting a lap dance, I asked a waitress the price.....only $20!!! (And we had been expecting to pay that much just to get in.) So lap dance it was.....actually, I had two lap dances!

Now since this is turning into the longest post of my blogging career......I'm going to break it off here and tell you about the lap dances and me getting scolded for touching the dancers in Part 2. Stay tuned........

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