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2008-10-26 - 9:15 p.m.
So I had intended to continue with the Psycho Lady story, but today has been a disaster....and unfortunately it may actually involve Psycho Lady.

This morning I found that my car had been heavily vandalized. Somebody took a key or some other tool and scraped both sides of my car. This was not just a single slash, but a vicious, maniacal act.....somebody was violently slashing back and forth, back and forth all over the sides of the car.



I have reasons to believe it was Psycho Lady. There are just too many things that point to her. But I have no proof, so I won't lay it all out here. And I could be wrong. It could have just been a random act of kindness.....not!

But I am in a deep funk right now. My car is not only my baby, it's my job. This person knew how to cut where it would really hurt.

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2008-10-09 - 10:55 p.m.
So where did we leave off with Psycho Lady? Well, let's start with today and work back.

If she's not calling me, she's texting me every 5 minutes. This morning started started out at 9:00am asking for another ride to the doctor (she has no car.) This escalated to a VERY URGENT voicemail and then VERY URGENT text message. I called her back, worrying that she was dying or something, only to have her accusing me of stealing her brand new frilly pink thong panties.

I kid you not. She thought I had gone into her apartment and stolen her panties! (Psycho!)

Ok, so back to the day of the surgery.

When we finally leave the clinic to head home, she tells me that we have to stop at another clinic so she can have her face done. Now keep in mind, I've probably been on the clock for about 10 hours by now for what was supposed to be a 2 hour job.

She's loopy as all get out, still coming out of anesthesia, so she keeps begging to go to the other clinic to do her face. I keep telling her no. She's just had serious surgery. We just need to go home and chill, see how she feels tomorrow. But for the whole ride home it was "Please Please Please!!!! I need to get my face done!!! Why can't we stop?!!! We have to get my face done!! Please Please Please" Oy.

Finally home, I put her to bed and tell her I'll check on her every half hour as the doctor recommended. Finally, some time to myself.

When I come back to check on her, she is lying half naked on a plastic bag on the floor. (She doesn't want to leak onto any of her pastel furniture or sheepskin rug.) I almost thought she was dead. It was almost like a crime scene.

And then the fun began. She wanted to go out to dinner. And the begging began again. "Please Please Please....." We finally got the Ok from the doctor, but I still didn't think it was a good idea. And I was exhausted. But I said Ok because I was hungry too.

So she goes to change her clothes and takes off everything but her recovery garment. It's like a body stocking that goes from her mid calf to just under her breasts. It's black. It's crotchless. like a vintage body shaper.

She stands at the top of the stairs and twirls around. "Look at me!" Completely unaware that she is crotchless. Oh yeah. And not even aware of me as she puts on her bra.

By the time we get to dinner, at the most expensive restaurant in our neighborhood (her choice), I am ready to collapse. I've been up since 5:00am.

But here's the kicker. She wants to split the bill. WTF?! She does not even offer to buy dinner for all the trouble I have gone to for her. And this is only Day One!!!! She already has demands for Day 2. And that's just the tip of the iceburg.

Stay tuned for the rest of this saga. Hopefully it will all end soon, and I can go back to my blog haitus! Argh.

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2008-10-07 - 9:12 p.m.
Well, I'm still pooped, but I'll give you a pseudo update. It turns out that Psycho Lady has been flushing wipes, gauze, and paper towels....causing one half of our building's sewer to plug up. It's ALL her fault!

Hello people! Do not EVER flush anything other than pee, poop and TP. Do we have to have a class for this? Doesn't everybody know this by now?? I can't believe how many times during my years in property management that I've had to educate people about what not to flush!

But we are finally on the upswing. My plumbing is fixed, and they are going to bring in people to clean my bathroom and carpet.

(And amazingly, the manager let me take a shower in his apartment. Shhhh.....don't tell anyone!)

I know you want to know more about Psycho Lady, but don't worry....I have a feeling this is a never ending story, judging by the endless number of texts she sends me.

Stay tuned. I know you want to hear about her crotchless recovery garment. More to come.......

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2008-10-06 - 10:35 p.m.
Yes, I know you're waiting on the edge of your seat to read more about Psycho Lady and her Brazilian wax, etc. But I'm all pooped to speak. We've had major plumbing problems here today. The bathtub plugged, then the toilet, then sewage came spewing out of the bathtub drain. Ackkkkk! And for some reason, the management couldn't get a plumber here (are you reading this Curits??!). Oh, and I almost forgot....we had no hot water the day before!

Hell hath no fury as a women without a bathroom! (Isn't that how the saying goes??)

So, as you can imagine, I'm not in a very good mood. I have no shower or toilet. If I need to go, I have to go down the hall to an apartment that is being renovated. It's completely torn up. There's no power or shower....only a very grimey toilet. Oyyyy!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Stay tuned.

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2008-10-05 - 9:27 p.m.
I really don't know how to present this whole story about "Psycho Girl." At first I was wary, then I felt sorry for her, then I almost started to like her...and now I'm wayyy too freakin tired of her. But I have definitely had a complete "back stage" look at the whole Beverly Hills cosmetic surgery scene. So here we go:

We arrive at the clinic at 6am (for what I was told was only going to be a 2 hour procedure....not!) This place looks more like a boutique hotel than a clinic or hospital. We are ushered in to our own suite with private bathroom. It's beautiful. She changes into a fluffy robe and gets into bed while we wait for pre-op. I can even order room service if I want! (And apparently Paris Hilton, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed, among others, have had work done here.)

Finally, the nurse comes in and I have my first dose of the real gravity of the situation. The surgery is going to take SIX HOURS. The gal is going to be under local anesthesia for an hour, then another five hours completely out. I will need to stay with her for a minimum of 24 hours to monitor her meds, check her drainage (YES....Drainage!!!), and make sure she doesn't start vomiting. They even gave me sheets and pads to put in my car incase she has excessive drainage or vomiting on the way home.

OMG! What the hell have I signed on for???!!!!! (This was only supposed to be a 2 hour job!!!!!)

Heavy sigh.

So then the doctor comes in to mark her up for the surgery. They draw on your body the areas and shapes that they are going to lipsuc. (Oh yeah, it turns out that she is having liposuction and lazering from her knees to her waist.)

So I got to see her nekkid. Let me tell you, this gal had the most beautiful body. Almost good enough to make a good girl go bad...if you know what I mean. Perfection. Not an ounce of fat. She maybe weighed 100 pounds. Beauty. This is not someone who needs any kind of cosmetic surgery. Crazy hot. (Oh, and she has a complete Brazilian wax....incase you were wondering.)

Now just hang on and stay tuned. I'm going to finish this tomorrow because I am still exhausted from being with her around the clock. (And just as a teaser.....there will be more to come about her Brazilian.....)

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2008-10-03 - 10:54 p.m.
Oy. It's been a long long day. I've been up since 5am dealing with "psycho lady's" cosmetic surgery. It's now 11pm and we are.....finally.....done for the day. This was only supposed to be a two hour deal. I have tons to tell, but I am so exhausted that the big story will have to wait until tomorrow. Stay tuned.

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2008-10-02 - 10:15 p.m.
Ok....more on "Psycho Lady." (See the post below if you need to get up to speed.)

So I really don't know this gal. She lives in the apartment next to me, but I rarely ever see her. The only time I've really had a conversation with her was when she got locked out and needed to crawl through my window to get back into her apartment.

Now, all of a sudden, I find myself taking her to have plastic surgery.

We are getting up at 5:00am so I can drive her to Beverly Hills to have cosmetic surgery.

*I don't even know this woman.*

Yes, she is paying me. But this whole thing is sad on so many counts. This gal is in her 20's. She is asking an almost total stranger (me) to drive her to the surgery. She is hot, she is beautiful, she is skinny, but she thinks she needs cosmetic surgery so she can get a man. WTF??

Argh. I feel sad for her. She has no friends....otherwise, why would she be asking *me* to drive her? She's beautiful. If I had her body, I could rule the world!!!! But she is going to risk it all and have surgery in hopes that it will make her happy and find the perfect man.

I'll try and update tomorrow after this all happens. Think good thoughts for this gal.

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2008-09-18 - 10:28 p.m.
So...we refer to my neighbor as Psycho Lady. On the surface, she seems sweet. She's young, sweet as pie, ultra good looking, super hot...but totally psycho. It would take too long to explain the psycho part, so lets move on. Oh, and we're pretty sure she's a stripper....or an "exotic dancer" of some sort.

Got all that?

So I hear a knocking at my door, and it's her. And like a little kid that has to go to the bathroom really bad, she whispers: "I've locked myself out of my apartment....."

She's figured out that my front window is pretty close to her balcony and wants to know if she can come in, take out the screen and jump from window to balcony. Sounds reasonable, no?

Except that we're TWO stories up. And her balcony is like a million miles away from my window.

But she decides she's going to do it. We take out the screen, and she gets up on the ledge. (In her little tiny mini dress.) She's going to jump! OMG! Once I see her tiny little stripper body on the ledge of my window, I freak out and tell her she can't do it. I won't allow her to do it. I had to practically talk her down. She really thought she could make it. Finally, I got her back in. Jeez. It was really touch and go there.

Ok. So now she's in. And like two doofusses (is that a word?), we both have the epiphany that she should have just gone out the back window. Duh! The back window goes out onto a wide roof, and our windows are side by side. Why the heck didn't we think of this in the first place?!

But the back windows are wayyyy high up in our bedrooms (we have super high ceilings). So she had to climb up on my dresser and do some acrobatics to actually get out the window. This is when she yells: "DON'T LOOK! I DON'T HAVE ANY PANTIES ON!!!"

When she finally got up there and got her window open, she thanked me profusely, and said: "Here, I owe you something!." She then took a couple of fives out of her purse, crumpled them up, and tossed them down into the room at me. And then she was off.

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2008-09-17 - 10:26 p.m.
Sometimes everything just seems better after a long long hot bath, don't you think?

Aside from that, Alan is begging me to tell you about my most recent adventure of having an exotic dancer climb out my bedroom window while wearing a short sun dress and yelling to me that she had no panties on.

Stay tuned. I will blog about it. I will. Really! I've just really got to go to bed right now. Check back tomorrow night.

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2008-09-06 - 9:10 p.m.
I got a job! Can you believe it?! Actually, I now have 3 jobs! After forever and ever of no jobs (well, I wasn't really trying. Oops!) I'm now in the land of the employed. Alan thinks this is a good thing. Not so much because I will be bringing in money, but because it will force me to cut down on my drinking! (Who knew you couldn't drink on the job?!)

So does this mean I'll have more time for blogging? It seems that all my friends that have jobs spend a lot of time blogging. Hmmmm. I'll have to look into this.

And in other news, can we just get this freakin election over with already?! If I read one more thing about Sarah Palin, I swear I'm just going to keel over! Let's just vote and be done with it. (There, that's my political/Sarah Palin rant! Heh.)

That's all for now. But stay tuned. I'll eventually get around to posting something again. Really!

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