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2004-10-22 - 2:32 p.m.

THE CORONA DIET....and other amazing cures:

We all know that I can drink my weight in gin. (That martini glass up in the top left corner should be a tip off to that.) Yet, for the last few days, I have been gin~free.....I think I may have actually given up gin. And this worries me a bit, as the martini is my trademark! But on the other hand, I think I may have discovered that beer can cure sinus problems.

Let me explain.

See, it all started a few weeks ago when I read that women tend to put on more weight in the stomach/waist line area when they drink hard alcohol......but not so much when they drink beer or wine. So this got me thinking. If I added a Corona or two to my diet, there might be multiple weight loss benefits (and if you saw me on TV, you'd know that I could stand to lose a couple of pounds or 10). Now, I can down a martini quicker than you can spell it....but it takes much longer to drink beer, so automatically I would be drinking less.....and it has less calories per ounce....and it's easier on the waist line! So, I started drinking beer.

Now let me digress here a moment to explain about my sinuses. I no longer have a sense of smell. About 20 years ago, I had a pretty major sinus surgery. This fixed a lot of problems, but really messed up my sense of smell.....and over the years, I have lost that sense completely. It's never really bothered me, since I've been like this for nearly half my life. And there are a few drugs that can momentarily bring it back, but the side effects or long term issues make them unfeasible.

But then I discovered beer.

Amazingly, since I've started drinking beer, my sense of smell has gradually started to come back. Of course, it's too soon to tell if this is a lasting thing, or if it will come back completely, but it's been quite interesting. My guess is, there must be some nutrient or chemical in beer that I haven't been getting. Maybe there is some correlation between the caustic drugs that can bring back my sense of smell....and beer. Maybe beer can be a safer alternative to some chemicals and drugs. I wish I was a scientist, because I think this calls for a study! (Or at least, another beer!)

But there have been side affects.

Unfortunately, now that I'm getting my sense of smell back, I can smell the gin. And I don't like the smell. Eek! My normal lust for a martini has amazingly turned into: "I wonder if I can choke down this martini?" Oy. So I had to stop drinking martinis. But now what will I do?? They are my trademark, my drink. And don't talk to me about vodka....I'm just not going there (that's probably a whole other story in itself). I need a new drink. Sure, there's still wine, Maker's Mark, Jack, Wild Turkey.....and beer......but I need a new cocktail. How can you replace the classic martini?? I feel like there's been a death in the family. Argh.

So maybe it's time to get out the old Trader Vic Cocktail Book and drown my sorrows in another beer.....while I try to find a new trademark!

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